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I Haven't Been Okay
Jul. 12th, 2023 07:44 pmI finally sought help for anxiety in February. It's not the first time I've struggled with anxiety, and it's not even the first time I'm struggling with life. In fact, I'm not even experiencing anything harrowing at the moment, which makes the strength of the anxiety even more confusing.
But for the past eight months, I've been feeling like I'm holding my breath for something. I wake up almost every day with heavy dread weighing on my chest. Throughout the day I have this sense that something bad is going to happen. A lot of times I don't know why. Other times, I know I'm nervous about certain events coming up, although I don't understand why my reaction is that strong.
I remember two years ago, it was my sister who struggled with anxiety. She was anxious because she was stuck at home during the lockdowns. And I know it was unkind of me, but at that time I thought she was being silly. Sure, getting anxious about a contagious virus makes sense. Getting anxious about potentially losing your job makes sense. I, myself, got uneasy from time to time when my parents argued about getting the vaccines. But my sister was working from home. She and her husband had just moved into a lovely townhouse the previous year. Why would she feel anxious about being safe and sound at home?
That's the thing about anxiety, though. At least the type of anxiety that's an illness, not just your typical everyday anxiety. It's not logical. It's not something you can reason your way out of. Something triggers it, and maybe you don't know what. And even if you do, you might not understand why.
( Read more... )
But for the past eight months, I've been feeling like I'm holding my breath for something. I wake up almost every day with heavy dread weighing on my chest. Throughout the day I have this sense that something bad is going to happen. A lot of times I don't know why. Other times, I know I'm nervous about certain events coming up, although I don't understand why my reaction is that strong.
I remember two years ago, it was my sister who struggled with anxiety. She was anxious because she was stuck at home during the lockdowns. And I know it was unkind of me, but at that time I thought she was being silly. Sure, getting anxious about a contagious virus makes sense. Getting anxious about potentially losing your job makes sense. I, myself, got uneasy from time to time when my parents argued about getting the vaccines. But my sister was working from home. She and her husband had just moved into a lovely townhouse the previous year. Why would she feel anxious about being safe and sound at home?
That's the thing about anxiety, though. At least the type of anxiety that's an illness, not just your typical everyday anxiety. It's not logical. It's not something you can reason your way out of. Something triggers it, and maybe you don't know what. And even if you do, you might not understand why.
( Read more... )
